Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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