yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
