my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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