I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
