Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
