I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize