How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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