The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
