well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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