It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
