Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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