Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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