my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
