Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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