I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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