I'm eating all of the evidence.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
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