Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i've created a new STD.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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