I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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