She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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