So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
