did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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