period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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