just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
