yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
