Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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