you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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