how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
