woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
