Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
