I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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