she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
