You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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