Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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