According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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