Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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