I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
