I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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