these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
