Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
