don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How many fucks given?
0.12846
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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