Life is so much better after having sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
do nipples grow back?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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