And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
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