so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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