bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
