Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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