Midget sex pt 2 tonight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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