fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I cockslap morals
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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