check it out our google latitudes are spooning
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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