is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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