i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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