So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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