I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
