Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
