just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
