Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my shit smells like andre
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
