weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
