He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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