Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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