i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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