Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
how does that bad decision feel?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
