So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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