in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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