you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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