Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
