do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
