Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
