I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
