y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
