I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
