we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
