So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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