If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
